I've been floundering this week.

I'm feeling unsure of myself, my abilities, and where to go next.

It occurred to me that huge things have happened in my life over the past year.

I've spoken before of my doubts of being a "real artist."

I compare myself to other artists all the time.

I tend to believe those people who are less supportive and don't understand the art that is coming out of me.

A few years ago, I decided that when I was a "real" artist, my art would hang in a gallery, and I would be accepted to participate in "Fresh Paint," a large local art fair.

Last November I was invited to join "Arts of Snohomish," a local co-op gallery, and my art hangs on the wall there.

Last month I not only participated in Fresh Paint, I sold my art and made some money.

So why am I floundering?

Sounds like I'm a "real" artist...

I think I thought of those goals as far reaching and end of career goals.

So now what do I do?

I'm a bit tired from working so hard to get here.

My book of illustrated Psalms in on it's way to me for the (hopefully) final review/edit before I release it to the public.

That is a bit frightening because then people will see it and judge it.

It occurred to me that I am behaving a bit like Peter in the Bible. (See Matthew 14:27-31)

He got out of the boat and started to walk across the water toward Jesus, then the wind picked up and he panicked.

He started to sink.

Jesus then reached out his hand and caught him and said, "You of little faith, why did you doubt?"

I know what talent I have is a gift from God.

I have heard His voice on many occasions.

When my paintings look like trash and I ask him for help, I always get specific instructions on how to fix them.

When I start a painting asking for directions, listen, and follow the colors that come to me and allow my hand to make its own motions, magic happens.

So if my goals have been accomplished, why am I doubting now?

Why am I wondering what to do and doubting my ability?

I definitely have more growing and healing to do.

I know I do that through my art.

Every time I am urged to make goals, I've said that I don't want to limit myself to my human ideas.

I believe God has a plan for me and will lead me where he wants me to go.

So faith comes into play now.

I need to keep working, keep painting, keep playing with shapes and color.

If I am to be an example of a faithful servant, it means that I don't have to know what lies ahead or where my path leads.

I just need to keep taking one step forward and trust that God won't let me sink.

After all, He taught me to love the water and how to swim!