May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be acceptable in your sight, oh Lord my strength and my redeemer.

I heard those words every Sunday growing up.

My Dad said them aloud before he gave his sermon every week.

He wanted to remind himself and others that his desire was to represent God in a positive light.

He wanted to be God's voice- like John the Baptist crying out in the wilderness.

To remind everyone that God is near.

So as I am working on bringing my life to light on paper these last few days, those words came to mind.

I was struck by the magnitude of them.

It came to me that the essence of those words are a great quote to live by.

They are from Psalm 19, verse 14.

I used to be driven by quick emotion.

I could get so easily angered and strike out with my words.

I know that I hurt others when I did that.

I'm a lot better now, but just yesterday I became frustrated and sent an email in anger.

Life circumstances set me up to feel anxiety, stress, and frustration.

On my way to work at the gallery my route was blocked due to an accident, I think.

Anyway, I needed to find a way around the main highway.

After taking a detour through a neighborhood I was unfamiliar with and waiting at multiple intersections for my turn to proceed, I ended up northeast of the little town the gallery is in.

The car in front of me seemed to know the area, and I had friends who lived out that way 30 years ago, so I believed the way they turned would eventually lead me to town.

I was relieved to find my usual parking space 10 minutes before I was supposed to open.

I usually allow myself 20-30 minutes, so with the anxiety of being unsure of where I was going, seeing the minutes tick away, and feeling rushed, I was not in the best frame of mind.

Maybe I'm a bit anal about my artwork.

I carefully arrange my prints and cards.

I rotate them each time I come in.

I separate them by size and chose the one I want in front.

I also have a few older original paintings I keep separate from the prints because the prices of course, are higher. 

I saw that my prints and originals were organized by size, the tall ones were on their sides behind the wide ones, and one of my framed paintings from below was on top with the unframed prints and paintings.

This wasn't the first time my art was reorganized, and I was struck with a feeling of being judged and violated.

A little over the top, right?

So I wrote an email to the other artists and sent it immediately.

I was angry and frustrated and it showed in my words and use of capital letters.

I know that God has to get angry and frustrated with me.

I continue to make the same mistakes over and over again.

But I have to say that I haven't experienced any anger toward from him.

I have experienced the natural consequences of my behavior.

I've experienced steadfast love and support.

I've experienced inspiration and guidance.

That is the behavior I want to model.

I believe that is the God I know and have a relationship with.

That is the God I ask to help each of my friends each morning.

The God who provides for me, encourages me, and comforts me.

So as I write, I do so remembering my Dad's prayer and hope that I can remember to release my anxiety and frustration before I speak.

After all, you attract more flies with honey, than with vinegar!