I'm working on my third wooden box right now.

I've been repurposing old silverware boxes into decorated pieces of art.

The first two have mountain scenes on them.

This one is vineyard themed.

After completing the top of the box with a close up of grapes growing on the vine I have started on the sides.

When I got to the second side and it was time to add clusters of grapes, I couldn't remember which paintbrush I used.

I studied my brushes and the completed grapes and chose a brush.

When I came back after they dried it was obvious that the brush I used was smaller than the original.

These grapes are tiny, rather than the luscious grapes dangling temptingly on the other vines.

I tend to paint small.

When I want to paint larger I have to push myself to choose a paintbrush at least two sizes larger that my favorite.

That's one reason I paint abstract with lots of water.

Then I can allow the water to make my original stroke grow as large as it wants to.

It is the water that is bold and merges one stroke into another.

Water has become my favorite tool.

I have to use the correct tool in every situation if I want to have a favorable outcome.

That got me to thinking about the rest of my life, and choosing the right tools.

I've been getting items ready so I can participate in an upcoming art fair, Fresh Paint, the third weekend in August.

I had to catalog the cards and prints I had available and decide what I would need for the weekend.

Then I also inventoried the blank cards, mats, and boards I had.

I ordered the prints and more of every needed item for successful assembly.

When they all arrived I sorted them into size and tackled them one by one.

When they were put together, I resorted them by image to make labeling them easier.

If only I was so careful and thorough when my life becomes a challenge.

When an unexpected challenge comes up in my life, my initial reaction is to withdraw and back away.

I do the fear/ retreat thing really well.

It's much safer to give up than fight through a challenge.

It's like throwing a paintbrush into the air and leaving a painting unfinished.

And I don't do that.

So I need to find the right tool in my life.

I know I'm intelligent.

I wouldn't have made it through 4 years of college and state board exams if I wasn't.

I have also been physically fit most of my life.

I used to swims across Crabapple Lake.

I've hikes through the Enchantments in the Cascades.

I've walked countless miles.

The only thing I'm lacking is courage and belief in myself.

And possibly focus.

Because the only reason I struggle is because of the voices in my head.

The past criticism and ridicule, the snide comments and rejections.

I have given these power instead of the memories of love and support.

The very real daily triumphs in my work and family life have faded.

It's time to choose the proper tools to strengthen my brain and self esteem.

I've been writing my memoir and I need to dig deeper for the positive memories.

Then I can use those to fall into when life brings challenges.

Instead of panic I can remember what it feels like to be loved and respected.

The sense of accomplishment when I climbed out of the water after swimming across the lake.

The beauty and wonder of hiking through alpine lakes surrounded by snow in July.

And the elation I felt when my scores arrived followed my state board exams.

I also have the capacity to choose new memories.

Like the births of my three grandchildren.

Watching them learn new skills and gravitate towards activities that bring them joy and feed their spirits.

Selling an original painting also strengthens me and is worth hanging on to.

We can all be successful in whatever we choose when we have the proper tools.

In my work, I've learned that when I make a mistake I can go back and make it right.

That's not always possible in life, but I can learn to choose better in the future.

I can remind myself to look for better tools when I'm faced with a challenge.

And perhaps I will learn to choose good memories over negative ones.

Until then, I need to go back to my box with a bigger paintbrush.