I grew up believing that other people were more important than I was. The focus in our family was the church and the community.  My Dad was available to them 24 hours a day, seven days a week. That didn’t bother me, it was just the way it was. It was his job, and I knew he loved me, too.

I remember reading Gayle Sayers’ book, “I Am Third” when I was in high school. Gayle was a running back known for his charitable work, and his giving and easy going nature. I am third was his declaration that God came first in his life, his family and friends came second, and he was third. In the book he references the Bible verse in Matthew chapter 22, verse 37 in which Jesus said the greatest command was to love God with all your heart, mind, and spirit; the second is to love your neighbor as yourself.

I’m not sure Jesus meant to put yourself last. Somehow by focusing on others I have forgotten  to value myself, my gifts, and my abilities.

I’ve forgotten that just like every other human, God made me in his image and therefore loves me just as I am.  I think being totally selfless can devalue that loving relationship with God. Many Christians have misrepresented humbleness and turned into self depredation.

It is not sinful to acknowledge the gifts God has given you and use them to enhance and bless the lives of others. But to do that there has to be an acknowledgment of your self worth.

In addition, very few gifts from God come perfectly packaged. They require work and practice to bring them to fruition. I am an introvert, and not talkative with people. But my mind is full of words and ideas.  I have the ability to connect concepts and ideas and put them down on paper in a meaningful way.  They don’t magically appear on the page in perfect order or even in a way that is easily understood. It takes time and effort and multiple editing sessions.

So is it selfish for me to spend all that quiet time at my computer? I could be working in a soup kitchen or volunteering in any number of charitable organizations. I could join Doctors Without Borders or the Red Cross with my nursing background. Just writing that makes my skin itch all over…

I think our lives have seasons, just like the cycles of the earth. I had a season as a mom, and now as a Grandma. I’ve had a seasons as a single woman and as a married person. I had a season as a hospital nurse, a home care nurse, and a clinic nurse. 

Those 30+ years working as a nurse nearly broke me. I feel, I care. I gave of my soul until there was nothing left. I gave until that 1/3rd part of me almost disappeared. I was broken and feeling unloved and alone.

And then God said, “Paint light.”

So I did.  And some people don’t understand what I do. But I believe God gave me gifts that I need to nurture and explore, and perfect.

When I write, I ask God for the words. When I paint, I ask him to guide my hands. And through it all, some of my spirit that was lost returns. Little by little I gain confidence. And when someone loves my work I know I am using my gifts for others.

 I am honoring God by following where he leads me. I believe he leads others to me and my work so they can be impacted in some positive way.

So Jesus said, love God with everything you have and love others as you love yourself. He didn’t say love others instead of yourself. I think he knows that if we don’t love and honor ourselves we wont have any love to give to others. That if we try to behave in a way that isn’t the person he created us to be we will be unsuccessful and likely unhealthy.

God created us as human beings. We have limited energy and life expectancy. Heck, Jesus lived a little more than 30 years and he became exhausted. We can’t possibly keep doing the work we need to do without taking care of ourselves. We have to nurture our physical as well as our spiritual beings.

That starts with remembering we were created in love with the intent that we would love from that loving core of our existence.

So what makes you uniquely you?

What is it that makes you come alive, creates joy or excitement? When the day seems dark and your energy seems low, what is your gut calling out for you to do? And how can you share that with those around you to lighten their day?

I think that if we can all nurture our uniqueness we can’t help but get in touch with the love we were born with. We will become healthier in our bodies and happier in spirit. And that can be contagious.