I think it was the pressure of perfection and lack of any creativity during my nursing career that brought on depression and anxiety.  Multiple antidepressants were prescribed for me and I spent countless hours in therapy. I felt like I was living in a fog. One of my counselors suggested that I paint what I was feeling, and that brought more healing than any drug could accomplish.

Now, years later there are days that I wish being a creative person was magic.

That anytime I sit down to create I could dive in and get it done.

That when writing the words would flow freely without end.

And when I sit down to paint the images came totally formed in my head.

But, alas, that is rare.

Creativity takes work and faith.

When I sketch out a painting I need to make multiple changes to the placement, size, and shapes. I need to ensure there is adequate space, good movement, and balance.

I need to look at the light and shadow. And before I start painting I need to consider which colors will touch so I don’t make mud.

Sometimes when it comes time to write my blog or work on my manuscript I have a concept in mind. Then I can start writing, and often times the whole piece flows from my brain onto the page. I just need to edit it multiple times until the grammar and word selection is correct and not repetitive.

Other times, like today, I have no clue what I want to say.

That’s when faith comes in to play. You see, I believe that painting and writing are gifts that were given to me. And so I need to use them to enhance the lives of those who were meant to receive them. So when it’s time to create a new painting or write my weekly blog, I can’t wimp out because I feel uninspired.

It’s like exercising. Sometimes it’s not any fun and I don’t want to do it, but my body needs it to survive, and responds with the endorphin boost I need when I follow through. In the same way,  my brain and body know how to paint. I just need to sit down and allow them to work together. The huge canvas I’m working on has been difficult. I haven’t been sure of what images to put on it. Each section of blank canvas taunted me until the day before I began to fill it. And then the image presented itself and my hand began to work.

I also knew from experience that if I sat down at the computer this morning and started to write, the words would come to me. It probably helps that I pray for inspiration, and for the words and images to present themselves. You may not believe in that stuff, but I do.

The more specific I make my prayers for my family and friends, the more I see God answering them. I pray for each of them daily. When someone mentions something that is challenging or troubling to them specifically, I pray for that in detail. Perhaps it is to find a home when they have been looking and are frustrated, then they signed papers the next week.  Perhaps it’s that they want be able to make a living at what they love and are good at, and then they were able to pay their bills the next month. Do I have factual data that says it was God who made that happen? No, that’s where faith comes in. 

So on the days when I’m uninspired and struggling to do my own work I have learned to do it anyway. It’s very different than my job as a nurse. I had specific hours and tasks to do. I needed to fit the tasks into the 8 or so hours I was contracted to work. There were specific guidelines and goals that had to be met. Laws and regulations were strict and heavily enforced, and rightfully so. There was no room for creativity, only facts, science, and known treatments and protocols.

What I’ve since found in my life, is that when you are able to do the thing that you were created to do, your body, mind, and sprit respond together in a positive way.

I discovered I have more energy when I’m actively practicing creativity daily. My brain is more stimulated and the images and words are more apt to flow. For some reason I also want to make healthier decisions. I exercise more regularly and choose more fruits and vegetables to eat.  Instead of staying awake late into the night reading, I choose to turn out the light at a reasonable hour.

That’s not to say that each day is filled with contentment and each new project is exciting and life fulfilling. Even though I’m doing work that I love and enjoy, it is work. Sometimes magic happens and the paint flows on the page and combines to create it’s own image. Sometimes the words come so fast I can’t type them fast enough. And sometimes I need to breathe, relax, and open my mind to possibility. 

When I begin to work without knowing the next word or seeing an image I’m working in faith. I’m trusting in my God to provide those things. In painting it might be just the first color to start with. In writing it could be the first sentence or a thought. But I have to make the effort to start the process. Sitting back and feeling uninspired and defeated won’t get me anywhere, and I’m done being depressed and sitting on the couch all day.

I’ve been blessed with discovering those activities that feed my spirit and bring healing. So I need to honor those gifts and use them as often as possible. Even on the difficult days I can practice. Not every painting needs to be a masterpiece, or every bit of writing eloquent. Through consistent practice my mind and body work together in learning and remembering the motions that create the most successful outcomes.

So when life is a struggle and the world seems dark, find that thing that makes you feel alive. Then do it every day. Practice and believe in positive outcomes. Pray if you like. Meditate. Get in touch with all aspects of your being- mind, body, and spirit, and feed them. Teach them to work together. I think you’ll be happy you did.