I’m stubborn, I admit it. I prefer the term, “strong willed.” I needed to feel strong in order to survive my childhood. I needed to embrace that I am intelligent to counteract being called stupid over and over. I needed to hear my Dad’s voice over all others when he referred to me as “beautiful.” And I needed to be physically fit to keep up with my brothers.

In my mind, I know what I know, and in any given situation I carefully evaluate the facts and make decisions- especially medically. My parents didn’t shell out four years of college for nothing.

So when I started to feel like I might have cystitis a couple of weeks ago I began to treat it with natural remedies. I drank clear liquids constantly, reduced my sugar intake, and increased my vitamin C. My daughter brought home some high dose cranberry extract and I tried an apple cider vinegar recipe.

I was astounded that it didn’t work. All those things had worked in the past. So I increased the fluids and waited some more. After a week I was no longer getting any sleep or rest and the symptoms were increasing. I reluctantly went to the walk in.

My word/phrase of the week was, “Give thanks in all things.” It is so easy to focus on all that is negative. Our political climate pushes all that is wrong in this country, the world, and with each candidate. The economy, medical care, poverty, and violence are all areas of concern. Add war and religion and many become enraged.

My source of peace in my faith. I looked up how many times Thanks, Thanksgiving and Gratitude appear in the Bible. Thanks/ Thanksgiving appears 72 times, and Gratitude 157 times. Each of those verses talks about being thankful or grateful in every situation.

That’s the hard part, right?

I just basically spent two weeks in bed because I have an on suite bathroom. I was in some pain and uncomfortable. I ate small amounts because my stomach was so full of liquids I had little appetite. I wasn’t able to paint or work on my business.

What is there to be thankful for?

My daughter has been amazing. She constantly checked to see if I needed another beverage. She offered food, took care of the dog, house, mail, and shopping. She researched the nearest walk in clinic.

By the time I made the decision to go to the walk in she drove me there and waited with me. The people at the reception desk were kind and compassionate. They offered me water and directed me to the nearest rest room. Check in was quick and easy.

The medical assistants were friendly and non judgmental. We laughed over my stubbornness and what a typical nurse I am. The Doctor was also friendly and understanding. She quickly prescribed antibiotics and Pyridium. If you don’t know what that is, it is magic. Pyridium calms the symptoms of a bladder infection. It allowed me to get some rest. The clinic also called me a few days later to let me know that according to the culture results, I was on the correct antibiotic.

But why did I need to go through that?

Perhaps I needed to slow down a bit. I work really hard on my business and tend to do 90 percent of the housework and cooking. My daughter is perfectly capable, but I’m a natural caretaker. I don’t mind the cleaning,(well, maybe not always), I enjoy cooking, and I’m good at it.

Perhaps as I get older, I can relax a bit more. Maybe I don’t need to constantly be doing something useful.

The other thing to remember about being thankful is the law of attraction. What we focus on intensifies. If I believe that life sucks, and start listing all the difficulties in my life my feelings intensify.

I’m apt to make mistakes which cause more problems that in turn build on each other. When I’m looking down all I see is shadow when at the same time the sun is shining above.

I was scheduled to work at the gallery on Wednesday and that was my first day out of bed. I quickly became exhausted and wrote these words:

This, too will pass. Cold. Tired. Empty-no words, no vision, no concepts. Hazy. Slow. Can t seem to care. Can’t time speed up? Make the clock’s hands move quickly so I can go home to my bed to be warm and sleep. I’ll try again tomorrow, I really will. I just want today done.

If I close my eyes I will fall asleep. I need to make it home safely. I need to survive 1 1/2 more hours. I wish I could walk into the mountains with Dad, sit by a waterfall and let everything just fall away. I pray for energy and hope and creativity. For my promise to be fulfilled. To feel God’s spirit overflow again. Is it time for me to leave here? Today is not the day to make a decision.

I miss you, Dad-so much. Heavy, weighted, hours, minutes, seconds move so slowly—

It’s not about me. It’s about my mission, my life, my words and love. I have so much work to do- How can I do it when I’m sick and exhausted? How do I give myself time to heal? 25 more minutes…

You see, I’m not always positive. I often struggle to see the good things around me.

Being human is like that.

The day held many things to be thankful for. I met a wonderful woman visiting from England, two young men came in from Illinois, and a man came in with his son and bought a large photograph for his wife.

My favorite part of working at the gallery is the conversations with people. Sometimes about art, sometimes about the town and the beautiful Northwest. Interacting with people in a positive way gives me hope for our future.

This country is made up of good and positive people.

Today, I am thankful for them, that I was able do complete my shift at the gallery, and for the sun shining outside. I chose to find the positive instead of focusing on the challenges of the day.

What are you thankful for today?