At the beginning of this week I was going to write about fear. It was consuming me.  Apparently, there are 7 stages of fear: paralysis, inefficiency, catastrophizing ( I was stuck on this one), holding on, self-doubt, normalcy, and disbelief. Then this morning I was able to climb out of my emotional quagmire and return to my roots.

I need to write about faith today.

If you’ve read my blog before, you may have noticed a recurring theme about my Christian upbringing and reliance on God and faith through all things in my life.

In the last couple of weeks I’ve survived a rain and wind storm, and have done my best to save my waterlogged artwork. I’m working through making a decision on whether to continue to put a lot of energy into selling my work, exploring where to do it, or just letting it go.

A family member is going through some medical challenges, and that is bringing up the death of my brothers. At the outset of this, I was full of fear. All I could think of was, “Not again! I can’t survive another loss.”

We were still waiting for test results, so jumping to the worst case scenario was just ridiculous. It’s an immature, emotional, and illogical response. And it is the antithesis of faith.

In the book of Hebrews chapter 11, verse 1, it states “Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.”

In Matthew chapter 21, verse 22 it says “And whatever you ask in prayer you will receive if you have faith.”

Twice in my life I prayed and asked for healing and the outcome I wanted didn’t happen. I know that God never left my side while I watched two young men I loved more than my own life wither away and die. Through their illness, a genetic disease was found that was instrumental in diagnosing and treating another family member. I believe God allows some bad things for reasons that I can’t always see at the time.

I’ve had times in my life when I became so angry at God I purposely turned away from him and refused to listen or talk to him. But he never left my side. He continually put loving and supportive people in my life to get me back on track, and to give me hope again.

A good friend said a very intelligent thing to me the other day. I was telling her how afraid I was that test results could mean major medical treatments were necessary, and she said, ”Remember that medicine has advanced a long way since your brothers were sick.” And she is so right.

In Isaiah chapter 43, verse 2 it says, “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.”

God never promised I wouldn’t have difficult times, he just promised they wouldn’t destroy me.

It’s strange, because before the art show I felt like a shadow was lurking in my future. I didn’t know what challenge was coming, but I could feel one making it’s way toward me.

I remember that even Jesus on the night of his arrest prayed, “If you are willing, take this cup from me…” Luke chapter 22 verse 42.

I’m working on remembering the words in Romans chapter 8 verse 28 ”And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, and have been called according to his purpose.”

In the long, cold, winter months we trust that spring will return, the sun will warm us again, and the rains will subside. Our lives also have seasons and as my Dad repeatedly said, “This too, shall pass.”

So I continue to pray, to do the work I can, and to believe God loves me and has the best interests of my family in mind. I can only see what is in front of my face, but He sees all that has been and all that will be. I trust in the love and faithfulness I’ve experienced for 66 years.

I’m certainly looking to brighter days ahead and celebrating each positive step forward.

Update: Test results were without major concerns.