I chose the word, "Creative," as my word of the week on Sunday.

I didn't choose it because I consider myself to be creative, but because I wanted to remind myself that I can always choose to be creative.

I loved to draw, color, and create as a child.

My mother, I'm sure out of a desire to guide her children to success, labeled us at an early age. I was told I wasn't and artist, that my big brother was the artist.

That message was reinforced throughout my life, even after my brother died at the age of 21.

My brother was a huge positive example to me both while I was growing up, and today. 

You see, he was able to live his life creatively.

The stuff that life throws at you, that makes you upset and anxious, never seemed to bother him.

He was bullied.

If someone threw all his schoolbooks on the ground he picked them up and went on his way.

When they made fun of the way he walked, dressed, or wouldn't fight them, he squared his shoulders and walked on.

I believe he was able to put himself in another place in his head.

He was able to see those things as distractions.

Those events didn't shape who he was, because already knew who that was.

His energy went into creating the behavior and thoughts that aligned with his belief system.

My Mom labeled him as artist because at the age of 5 he drew a picture of my Dad's fish tank.

The fish were not only the appropriate shapes and colors, but one of them had a trail of excrement flowing behind him.

So in her eyes he drew the picture realistically.

My art has never really measured up to that, especially the abstract work I'm doing now.

I've recently been able to see myself as an artist and no longer need her blessing.

Living creatively is another matter.

I am an emotional being.

Until recently, when I saw injustice, I would become angry.

If the force of my emotions could have changed the world it would be a very different place right now.

And when I didn't measure up to my own expectations, or life's unexpected bumps occurred, then my anger turned inward in the form of anxiety and depression.

Angry people make mistakes, and I made many of them.

They say that with age come wisdom.

I don't know about that, but what I do know is that now that I am doing what I believe I was meant to do with my life, I am able to quietly process life around me.

I am able to look at the world with an open heart and mind.

I have very little control in life.

I can't control the economy, politics, world events, or even my own health.

I can't ensure that my children and grandchildren are safe, add to the extent of their lives, or control where they live.

I can't control the sale of my artwork or the opinions of anyone who sees it.

I can't control the length of my friendships with others, or the love and support of relatives.

Being creative in my life means accepting those limitations.

It means opening my thoughts and mind to a new perception.

If something happens that I don't like, I can choose to see it in a different way.

This pandemic came as a surprise.

I understand illness and having worked as a health care professional I have a certain amount of respect for medical science and their amazing accomplishments.

I believed that in short order we would understand the transmission and character of the virus and quickly come up with treatment.

Being "stuck" at home was a surprise.

I now see it as a gift.

It has been a gift that sent me inside my head.

I have found healing and forgiveness for some of my past mistakes.

I have been able to listen to divine guidance, found time to study my Bible, and discovered the cause of much of my anxiety.

I have been able to paint more.

I have learned more about the color.

I've discovered the specific color that excites me, the one that brings me peace, and the characteristics unique to each individual tube of paint I have.

Additionally, my daughter and I have had amazing discussions about people's response to all this, and share information we have learned.

In all my inner exploration I have discovered a renewed sense of myself.

I have discovered that I have the ability to choose the life I want for myself.

When I choose to be positive I inadvertently cause the world around me to change.

My reactions influence those around me.

When I choose to speak about my thoughts and perceptions it allows a new and positive option to be available to others.

I can't control what another person will choose to do with the information and opinion that I share, but if I don't share it they have no choice at all.

What if, when something hurtful or sad happens, I choose to look for the gift in it?

What if every moment holds the possibility of a gift?

And then, what if by sharing that gift, one other person receives that gift?

Then creating a beautiful world becomes a reality, a little at a time.

Then life becomes like an amazing painting that seems to paint itself.

I think the power to create the life we want in within each of us.

It's not easy to think creatively all the time.

My big brother was born wise.

He knew the secret to living creatively.

He could see the gifts more quickly and easily than I am able to do after 62 years.

I'm going to keep practicing.

I know that there is love and goodness in every situation.

Sometimes it will take a period of quiet, of gentle breathing, and allowing the moment to rest before a new perspective can come through.

Some moments in my life have taken decades to find a glimpse of goodness in them, and others are still waiting for my emotions to settle enough for the light to shine through.

And perhaps sometimes the gift isn't visible in this world from this perspective.

But it's still there.

I didn't create this world, but I know it was created in love and with good intentions.

I think that when more people are able to live creatively we will see positive change.

And once that rock starts rolling it will be unstoppable.